Last update was gloomy and boring

My friend Jerico Pretzel (who is not only still alive, but out of hospital and getting better!) wanted suggestions for new hair color.
I got some ideas. Just go and pick one, Ziisa.

Diary-thing: Breaking point

Two years ago I was alone. Back then, I was fine with that.
During these past two years, that has changed. I met people, and we became friends. Good friends. Even more than that, for the first time, I felt I had friends who I couldn't afford to lose. I feared -and I still do- that losing them would break me.

Meawhile, they had their own struggles to go through. Some of them were physically weak and had to fight for their literal survival. Some of them had started to believe their bullies, thinking that they were worthless. For some of them, life was almost too much.
For me, I wanted to help them, because they accepted me.

So I forced myself to grow strong. I wanted to be someone to depend on, someone to share the pain with.
And maybe I did help. My friends are all strong, and I would never take take the credit of something they achieved, but today things seem better for them than what they were, and maybe I managed to help on their darkest hours, even if I didn't notice it myself.

And now it's starting to break me.
I feel like I'm losing one of my friends. I don't know why, I don't know if there's anything to do, and it's tearing me apart.

I feel I grew strong for the wrong reasons. Even if I can be there for others, I don't feel strong enough to help myself. Have I even been a friend, or just a "pillar" to support others? If so, if I break, will there be anyone to help me back up? Does thinking about these things mean I don't trust my friends enough?
If I can't do friendship right, then what the fuck am I even good for?

I can still see colors, but I don't want this to get worse.
It's scary to know my family will read this.

I think I grew too strong
I'm starting to break

Groovy time for a movie time!

So this is what I've been working on for the past 6-7 weeks.

While still decades away from Pixar-quality, during January I learned to build 3D-character that resembles human enough to be described as such, and succeeded in making it move with passable quality.

Sarcasm aside, what we need to learn from this is that making videogames and animation is slow, slow process that takes remarkable amount of skill and often more than 10 hours of work per day. Before your project is over, you have worked on, and looked at, your creation so much that you have started to hate what you've made.

That being said, seeing the result in the end is rewarding, and if your dream is on the field of animation or game-design, nothing I say can -or should- discourage you.

Diary-Thing: Creating Worlds

 Instead of spending all of some of my time playing videogames this weekend, I've been practicing 3D-modelling. Earlier today I crafted this neat battleaxe, using it's 2D-drawing as referenece point.

Some of you might recognize this. Maybe. I'm not even sure if you are there.

I actually had to do quite a lot of 3D-modelling during holidays due to school assingments. We're practicing character animation, so expect that in the future. Probably maybe.
This friday I did some character unwrapping. What that means is "breaking" your 3D-model to pieces that can be "flattened" to 2D-surface so that you can apply textures on them.
See picture below.

Can also Not to be used as reference for how to skin actual humans.

In both videogames and animation alike, it's textures that make characters, objects and enviroments look like anything. Take that away, and what is left is shape and motion of characters, in a world that's literally nothing but few different shades of grey.
Below is character with no textures.

Imagine Nathan Drake looking like that.

 ...And here's the same character with poor textures.

Imagine Nathan Drake looking like THAT.

...You get the idea.
Anyway, been learning this kind of stuff. Haven't drawn comics in a long while. I might try to draw something funny later this... year...?
I don't know. At least you can expect this blog having more videogame-related things and less comics in the future.

Diary-thing: I drew a Tardis

Doodled this one in 10 or so minutes just now. Earlier this week school gave us drawing pads, so I might as well learn how to use it. Seems to work all right.

Started watching Sherlock today. After pilot and first proper episode, seems like decent series. Benedict Cumberbatch pulls a good role, whereas I feel Martin Freeman overplays his character at times. Some individual shots, especially close-ups, seemed to have odd camera angles, where person who's talking isn't at shot at all, and instead camera's zooming on back of Cumberbatch's neck.
That kind of small stuff.
Writing's good though, and that's really the core part. Moffat can be good at his job when Tumblr's not hating him.

I don't recall anyone ever telling me I'm a bad artist. Right now I feel like I could maybe use that.
Value of straight-up negative feedback is not appreciated enough. Maybe all those "I'm so ugly"-status updates on facebook and "Look at this shitty art I made"-posts on every site ever aren't just for attention-whoring. There are people who sometimes legitimately want others to tear their work down and deny all the skill and talent they have.
Of course, the problem is with the commenting itself. Once you have to ask certain kind of feedback, indirectly or not, it has already lost it's meaning. And of course sometimes negative feedback is not what you want.
It's difficult, having emotions.

I wonder how many of you there are, out there. In a year this blog has been visited over 3000 times. probably over 500 are me popping in, checking those other blogs on the left. I guess my familymembers visit on weekly basis. I have 3 to 5 friends who, I strongly assume, are stalking this blog. Maybe one or two of you Orivesi-students even look up to my work. Nah, I wonder, you guys are better than me already.
Thinking that there are people who not only know this blog exists, but even check it out once or twice every week, hoping to see something new... It's a... nice thought.

I'm worried about my best friend. She's been fighting for too long already, and she doesn't deserve everything she's going through. She deserves more than to be alone on christmas.
I'm definitely going to pay her a visit when I get a chance on holidays.

I'm just writing down my thoughts here. Still, I'm grateful you're interested. Thank you.

*Falls to knees* TUMBLUUUUUR!!

It's not even midnight yet, I shouldn't be tired enough to do shit like this.

Seriously tho, Gurren Lagann and Shingegu no Hingegu are amazing. You should take time out of your everyday life to watch those shows.

I'm not a Fan of missing the Fest

Kolmosruudussa Mikkoa esittää lehmä.

Mutta joo.
Kuulemma kaikki Orivesi-senpait ja muutamat kaverit ja kaiken kaikkiaan kaikki coolit tyypit oli siellä ja kaikilla oli hauskaa.